


the bating of the breathing and the beating

by fugues



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Zexal
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Non-Canonical Character Death, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-28
Updated: 2013-12-28
Packaged: 2018-01-06 11:02:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1106034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fugues/pseuds/fugues
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It whispers to him, when he sleeps. Uses the name he abandoned and calls for him; calls him back to it and reaches with thick talons that seek to snuff out the star inside him, seek to damp down his fire in its darkness until he becomes for real the human he thought for so long that he was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the bating of the breathing and the beating

It whispers to him, when he sleeps.

If he sleeps at all, that is; for the rock shell resists and his firelight core burns so hard that it _aches_ ; resists being drowned in the crests and waves of sleep. Sometimes, though, he fights it. Clings to that one last little semblance of humanity, and allows himself to slip under.

And it whispers to him. Uses the name he abandoned and calls for him; calls him back to it and reaches with thick talons that seek to snuff out the star inside him, seek to damp down his fire in its darkness until he becomes for real the human he thought for so long that he was.

(or, at least, until Nasch the Barian is dead)

(it wants Kamishiro Ryoga back but he thinks it would satisfy itself with him dead, with what it sees as an _imposter_ gone forever even if he leaves nothing in his place)

_Ryoga_ , it calls, and closes claws around him until he jerks awake with his all-too-human body soaked with sweat and his eyes watering.

Every time, the human body. No matter where he chooses to take his rest, no matter what body he takes it in, he awakens weak and human-looking and filled with—

Filled with fear, though he doesn’t dare to think the word. Fear that it will snuff his flame out and leave behind a corpse or, worse, the person he thought he was for so long.

_You could bring them back, Ryoga_ , it says to him. _If you only gave in, the things we could do…_

It’s lying. Has to be, and he knows that. That a simple Number could bring them back is inconceivable, because it had taken Don Thousand to do that the first time and he’s gone now. It can’t bring them back, can’t bring any of them back.

_Not just a simple Number_ , it says, _A Number in **your** hands, Ryoga_.

And Nasch wonders, truth be told. The last Barian (barring one, but the fact that the other survivor was _him_ is—) the one who’d never managed to get himself killed in the war even though he’d been the one who’d wanted it most of all. He wonders, whether it would be better to give in. Whether there’s some truth to Shark Drake’s words.

_Ryoga_ , the dragon says, closes his claws around Nasch’s rock body until he feels so very brittle and fragile in its grip and shows him the things it promises him.

(they could bring Merag back, it shows him, they could bring Rio back; he could have his twin at his side, and end the terrible loneliness that sings in his starlight)

(they could bring Durbe back, could bring all of the Barians back so that his guilt over their deaths would be assuaged)

_All you have to do is give in_ , it says, and Nasch thinks of an end to all this and opens himself to it without a word. Lets it sink its claws into the starlight core until he feels as though he’s nothing but the flames; lets it twist and claw and maim the very depths of him because what’s the pain to him when it would mean getting his sister back? When it would mean making up for yet another group that died for him? What is the pain and the pleasure that crests too high until it too loops over to become pain once more?

So let it have him. Let it take away his core and bend the stars to its will, because Nasch has never wanted to be Barian anyway – let Vector be the last of him, let him burn alone until the end of time – and he can still be _Nasch_ even if he’s human.

(he’s given up too much to be Ryoga once more)

And everything pauses when he thinks that.

Just for one single moment; one breath in which the claws around him slacken before they’re pressing deep, deep into the fire and star-song that’s all of him now. And that voice is saying _Ryoga_ again, and the claws press deeper and deeper and in the midst of his pain Nasch hears, somewhere in the recesses of his mind, that name spoken in a different voice and wonders – for the brief moment before the fire becomes too intense to think straight – where exactly Shark Drake _came from_.

_I deal with Ryoga and only Ryoga_ , it’s telling him then, _I will destroy you if it’s what it takes to retrieve him, or else to avenge him_ , and then Nasch can’t hear anything at all because the claws are too deep into his fire and it hurts it hurts it hurts—

(in the depths of Barian World a card flutters to the ground, singed around its edges, and then there is only silence)


End file.
